Blog # 16 Run for the Toad 50k and Detroit Marathon

For this fall, I decided that I would use the Run for the Toad 50k, which is also the Canadian 50k trail championships, as my focus race for the fall. I watched the race last year when I was injured, and  I saw my former teammate Verrelle Wyatt win the race. It looked like a great, well organized event, so I considered it as a race for the bucket list. Race directors George and Peggy Sarson are extremely passionate about what they do, and have really worked hard to get talented runners to run their 50k. Races longer than the marathon distance typically don't attract the same level of competition as marathons. The big prize money races are typically marathons, and to add to this, the opportunity to make major games teams like the Olympics, World Championships, or Pan-American games don't exist for distances longer than the marathon. The Run for the Toad race is unique among trail races, as it has recently added an impressive prize money structure that makes it more of a lure for talented marathoners and ultra runners.  

For my buildup this summer,  I did the majority of my training on my own. I spent some time with my family in Smithville for a month or so in July/August before heading down to Windsor for teacher's college. My training was going quite smoothly in July and August. I felt as if I had some solid workouts that indicated I was in similar shape that I was in a few years ago. I alternated my workouts between long tempos between 40 and 70 minutes, Long runs of at least 2 hours,  and fartlek workouts where I would do about one hour worth of 2-5 min bursts at half marathon pace or quicker with 1 min recovery in between. I had a decent 10k race at Rock the Road in London, and a solid half marathon race which I treated more as a workout, which was also in London, at the Springbank half marathon.  A week after that race, I decided to do my last (and longest) long run before Run for the Toad 50km. I ran a 43.5 km run at about the pace I planned to run for the 50km race. At the end of this run, I felt some pain in my lower leg. I was not able to run for several days, and was getting worried. I cross trained on the elliptical, frantically hoping to maintain my fitness and deal with this issue. I went to get physiotherapy and it turns out that my Tibialis Anterior tendon was strained, a repetitive strain injury. It appears as if my body still needs some getting used to running over 2.5 hours. This was an ill timed injury, because my big 50k was 3 weeks away, and I also hoped to run the 10k road championships at the Oasis Toronto ZooRun. I was getting excited about how my training was going, and hoped that this 10k would be a good measuring stick type of race to see how I stack up against some of the top runners in the country. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to run for the majority of the week heading into that race. I did a short run on Thursday and Friday, but the rest was all cross training on the elliptical. I decided to still run the race, all though I'm not too sure that was a wise decision. I was in pain before the race started, and all though I was able to tune most of it out during the race, I was in quite a bit of discomfort afterword too. I  was only able to manage a 31:40, so it is safe to say that the injury affected my performance. I was on the elliptical for most of the week following this race too, which gave me one week left until the 50k race for me to try to get healthy enough to be able to run 50k. I was having my doubts, but I prayed to God he would let me run this race I had been preparing for. For the entire week prior to the race, I was able to run relatively pain free, but only if I ran on trails. Pavement still aggravated my tendon. All of my runs that week were on Malden Park, the location of many cross country meets in Windsor, and the only place with hills in Windsor. It turns out to be good preparation for Run for the Toad in terms of terrain. Praise God, I would be able to run the race after all! This could have been devastating both for me and the race director George and Peggy Sarson, who told me numerous times how much they were looking forward to having an Around the Bay champion at their race.  

All though the depth of the field was not anything like a top marathon, I did have the opportunity to race one of the top mountain/trail runners in the U.S.  I would be up against Joe Gray, his impressive resume includes a 1:03 half marathon, and on several occasions he represented U.S. at World mountain running championships, as their top runner. My former teammate, Verrelle, was also supposed to race, but unfortunately could not run due to injury. Leading up to this race, I had my sights set on breaking the old course record (set by Verrelle last year) and winning the race. When I heard I was up against an experienced runner with legitimate foot speed and a lot of trail racing experience in Joy Gray, I realized that this task would be much more difficult than I thought. To add to this, I was dealing with that tendon strain on my Tibialis anterior, that forced me to taper a little more than I would be comfortable with.  When I'm at the start line, I decided to ignore that as much as possible, and just focus on executing what I am capable of. The race consists of 4 12.5 km laps, and there is also a relay race featuring some club teams including Speed River, Toronto Track Club, and a group from Maryland,  where each runner runs 12.5k. In the first lap, I noticed that the top relay runners were going a little slower than I would have expected them to go, so I decided to run with them. I wanted to go about 3:10 pace (not per km! Like 3hr10min for the entire 50k!), which meant 38:00/10km, and the first 10k was not too much under this. I was able to maintain this pace pretty well for about 30k, and I was ahead of Joe Gray. Once I hit 30k, I enter into new territory, as I have never raced longer than this before. I still felt okay, but not strong enough to respond to Joe as he passed me on that 3rd lap. The last lap, obviously, is where it really starts to get tough. I really started to notice some of the hills that didn't bother me so much in the first 3 laps. As I approach the midway through the last lap,  I have run further than I have ever run before, even in a training run. at this point, I am struggling to run 4:00/km. Looking at the results, it is fairly common for the last lap to be 3-4 minutes slower than any of the other laps for this race. That is what happened for me. Laps 1 - 3 were in the 46-47 minute range, while the last lap was over 50 minutes. I was still under the old course record by over 3 minutes, but I finished second place by a bit over one minute. Considering the talent level of the runner who beat me, and also considering how much injury trouble I had over the past year or so (and the last few weeks), I was pleased with this result.  

I took two days completely off to recover from the race. I was really sore for two days, but on the third day, I went for a short run and felt okay. The tendon issue was noticeable, but manageable. This was good news, because I planned to run Detroit Marathon two weeks after my 50k, as long as I recovered okay. Why? It is probably ill-advised to run a marathon so short after a 50k, and also because of my tendon issue, it is unlikely that I am going to run a time that is equivalent to what I did at Around the Bay. I was completely aware of that, but I was also completely aware that Detroit marathon offers prize structure of $4000, $2000 and $1000 for 1st 2nd and 3rd,  and because they don't offer elite runners complimentary entries, hotel, or travel, it Is unlikely that many elite runners from out of town will run this race. Based on the past few years, it is possible for me to win this race without running an amazing time. Low 2:20's will probably win it, and high 2:20's will likely get top 3. I am quite confident I can still do that, despite being so close to a 50k, and having a less than ideal month before the race because of my tendon. It was worth the $150 entry fee to gamble this! Not to mention, it is a pretty neat course, as runners get to go over the Ambassador bridge, in Windsor for a few km, then back under the tunnel into downtown Detroit. And, there is no travel costs for me, since I can use the jog to the tunnel bus as my warm up! I went for the win from the start of the race, and paced myself behind some half marathon guys going around 1:10. I felt decent going through the half way mark, and I think I had over a one minute lead. I started to really struggle around 30k, and by 35k, I could hear footsteps behind me, as I should most definitely expect when I am struggling to crack 6:00 miles. I went from $4000 to $1000 in the last 20 minutes or so of the race, as two runners passed me. I don't really like to think of it that I lost $3000, but more like I gained $1000. Considering what I went through in the last 5 and a half weeks before this race, I am so thankful to God I was able to finish the race in top 3! At one point, it was looking likely that I would not be able to do the 50k or the marathon.  

My time of 2:25 is not much to boast about, in fact, it is only a few minutes faster than what our country's top female marathoners, Lanni Marchant and Krista Duchene ran last year in Toronto! I know I am capable of crushing that time in a marathon that is my focus race, instead of just an afterthought to a 50k, especially if I can get a training block in that is relatively injury free. (And for marathon running, 'relatively injury free' is sometimes the best you can really hope for, as there is always going to be something that is aching and you just have to learn to deal with it) As for right now, I am enjoying some time to recover for the next few weeks. There is certainly no rush to get back into things, because it is long ways away from a spring marathon. It is important for me to take the time I need to eradicate the issues I have been dealing with, so I can get excited about the next build up, rather than just trying to survive through an injury.  

I can use the extra time I have  to try to get ahead with my teacher's college work during this time. I just finished my first practicum, getting some experience teaching grade 10 math and grade 9 religion in a Catholic school. I'm not Catholic, but when it comes to what they teach in grade 9 religion (the basics of Christianity)  we are mostly on the same page. I read up a bit on Catholic doctrine just to be safe that I wasn't going to teach them anything Catholics would consider heretical.  They just have some traditions, such as the sign of the cross, that I am not familiar with, but I learn pretty quick. I'm not comfortable praying to Mary though, so when they say that prayer, I just stay silent. I got placed in Catholic school because religious studies is my second teachable, and Catholic schools is really the only opportunity to fulfill my teaching requirements for that subject, since there aren't many private schools of other Christian denominations in the area. I consider it an opportunity to learn about another expression of the Christian faith, even though I disagree with some of their doctrine.  Teacher college students hoping to teach high school in Ontario are required to have two  teachable subjects. Whether I am in a Catholic school or a private Christian school, a religion class is an opportunity to build into the spiritual lives of students, which is something I don't really have the opportunity to do as a math teacher, so that is the reason why I chose that as my second teachable. Actually that's a lie. Religion is the only subject that I had enough subjects to qualify as a second teachable. I had some difficulty determining what my second teachable would be. It turns out that according to Windsor, I have enough credits to have religion as a second teachable, but Western said I needed more. That's why I had to travel further from home to go to Windsor instead of Western. But anyways, teaching a religion class would be an opportunity I wouldn't mind as a nice change to a math class, as it is a much greater opportunity to foster spiritual growth, or in some cases, lead a student to Christ.   

Looking ahead to the future now, some ideas I have for spring races include, Around the Bay (once again) , Montreal half marathon,  and Ottawa Marathon. Nothing is for certain, but as for right now, those are the races that I will be using to motivate my training once I am all healed up and ready to get at it again! Lord willing, I will be able to pursue a much more competitive marathon time in the spring! 

Blog #15 Finally Healthy and Competing Again!

After being injured for almost all the fall and most of the winter, I have finally been able to build up mileage and get into decent shape! I was able to start building up mileage again in April, and from May to now I have been able to do workouts again while managing around 80 miles per week, mostly on singles, one day off per week. I usually only run once a day, as I feel it is a good cautious approach, especially coming back from an injury.  I still have a few lingering issues with my back and my psoas/groin on my right side, but with some chiropractic help, lots of stretching, and carefully reading my body being cautious not to build up too much too soon, I am able to train near the level that I want to. The only thing I am really removing from a typical 100 mile week is a few morning easy runs. Based on where I am at right now, these are not worth the added risk of injury for what I would get out of them, I am better off getting 24 hr recovery between runs. 

So needless to say, I am in a much better mood than I was this winter, when I was injured, unemployed, and single. Since this spring, I have been able to run again, my girlfriend and I are back together, and I have been able to do some math tutoring to high school students in Guelph, as well as some online tutoring. This is good experience as I am going to teacher's college in Windsor this fall, I enjoy tutoring, and it is a bit of extra cash to help pay for teacher's college. I was able to do a few races in May and June as well! I started with three low key races, with the main goal of getting my confidence up, and if I win any prize money in the process, it would be a nice bonus. 

Buffalo Half Marathon was my first race in a long time. Flashback to when I ran this race back in 2011. That year, I came 3rd, but because of a marshaling error at the end of the race, they gave the first place prize to both runners ahead of me, and I was bumped up to 2nd place. The marathon and the half marathon took place at the same time, and as the leader was approaching the finish line, he was incorrectly lead on to the marathon route. They did the right thing, took full responsibility for their mistake and gave both runners the prize money. Why do I bring this up? I will explain later when I talk about the next race I ran. As for my Buffalo race this year, there was a good group of runners running at 67:30 pace, some were in the marathon and some were in the half marathon. The field was a lot deeper than previous years, but there was nobody who wanted to push the pace beyond something that I was capable to go at, so it was a perfect pace for me to run the time that I wanted to. Mentally, I often split half marathon into 3 parts, first 5 miles + middle 5 miles + last 5k. My splits for this were approximately 26:00 - 25:20 - 16:20 for a time of about 1:07:40. I was happy with this effort, as it has been so long since I raced. I was able to hold with the lead pack for the first 11 miles, and the last 2 miles was a bit of a struggle, but that is to be expected based on where I was at in my training. 

The second race I did was Barrhaven 10k in Ottawa. I ran this last year also. As I did last year, I stayed at my cousin's place. My brother was taking some summer classes at Ottawa, so I met up with him too. This race has a decent prize purse, but only two places would earn me money, and 3rd place would pay for my travel expenses. Based on previous results, I had a pretty good chance to get top 2 if I could manage around a 31:00, which I felt I could do. It would be nice to earn some money running, as I have spent decent money on chiropractor and physiotherapy in an attempt to get back into where I was before the injury. I guess I sort of saw this race as a gamble, but not really, because if I don't get top 3, at least it was a nice weekend trip to hang out with my cousin and my brother. Within a few kilometers of the race, from what I remember, there was only 3 of us in the lead pack. Johana Kariankei, followed by myself, and Kevin Coffey. The race route does a lot of overlapping, and it was switched from the previous year. Apparently the lead biker was not aware of this, (neither was I) so he took us down the wrong turn at about the 2km mark.  It took quite some time before some body shouted at us WRONG WAY! but by this time, there wasn't much we could do. There was very little effort to get us back on track, and if we were to turn around, we probably wouldn't have caught up. So it ended up being a tempo run for us top 3 runners. We reached 10k close to where the finish was last year, and according Johana's GPS, he ran 10k in 31:11, and I was a few seconds behind him. Not a bad effort considering the heat! Once we hit about 11k, Johana started jogging, and then I started jogging. Then we had a nice chat, and walked back to the actual finish line. At first, the race director tried to put the blame on us, claiming that we should have known the course.  It just kind of irked me a bit that he did this.  The course does have a lot of turns, and it overlaps at certain places. It wasn't exactly a straightforward square course to memorize by any means. Check out their course website under race maps if you want to know what I mean. Also, the race changed from last year, so there should have been extra care made to instruct the lead biker and course marshals  about this potential error. I find it hard to believe that I have to memorize the course with such confidence that whilst running at 3:00/km clip in 30 degree heat, I will have the confidence to say "Excuse me Mr. Biker, but I believe you are directing us the wrong way!"  I can forgive him for trying to put the blame us, and I think he realized the absurdity of his statement after he said it.  I can realize from a race director's point of view that this sort of occurrence is a bit of a nightmare, especially when there is prize money on the line, and I am sure the biker felt horrible too. I am thankful that they were at least willing to take part of the blame, and offer us about half of the prize money we would have won. I am not sure if they gave the full amount or half of the amount to the actual winners of the race, but either way, I'm sure they would be thrilled, because it's not every day a 36:00 10k wins prize money! A women nearly won the race. Lioudmila  Kortchaguina, who impressively also ran the bread and honey 15km race the next day!  It would’ve been nice if they gave us the full amount, and took full responsibility for their mistake like the Buffalo Marathon did in 2011, but I can respect the way the handled it.  I wasn't going to fight for the other half of it, especially since the race is quite small and mainly a charity race. For somebody like Johana, a more accomplished runner, who came here to Canada for the purpose of earning money in road races, he was understandably more upset than I was.  It may be mainly a charity race, but once you put a significant prize purse and advertise your race to elite runners using social media, it is no longer just a charity race for those people. Those in contention for the prize money are either professional or semi-professional. Whether they are trying to make a living from the sport or just trying to pay for the physiotherapy and shoes, they are there for more than another finisher medal, and a t-shirt. (I do appreciate the t-shirts though. For the amount of races I enter I will never have to buy a t shirt for the rest of my life!) I just think that an incident like this could have easily be avoided, and I’m sure the organizers of the Barrhaven run will make extra precautions next year. There needs to be extra caution to make sure all the volunteers know exactly where they are to lead the runners, especially at an intersection where the runners are supposed to go through once the first time and turn left the second time. It’s a big fear of both the race directors and the runners that we will be sent the wrong way, so taking preventative measures can greatly reduce the risk of this happening.

 My most recent race was last week.  I ran the Peach bud 10k, a race near my hometwon, that is now a memorial race for the late race director Jerry Friesen. Jerry was an awesome race director, and it was such a devastating loss when he passed away in 2011. He did a great job with the Niagara running series, and he was able to assemble a solid elite field for each of the races in the series. The first road race I ever ran was part of this series, it was the Benchberry 5k, when I was in grade 9. I can remember being amazed how fast the elite runners were able to complete 5k on a hilly course in the heat. It was inspiring. I am very much appreciative of race directors that value elite running enough to add prize money. It allows for competitive racing opportunities with a chance to earn a little bit.  Does adding a prize purse increase the race numbers enough that it is worth it from the race director’s view? It is debatable.  Since Jerry passed away, prize money was no longer offered, and the race numbers have dropped each year. (The peach bud still offered prize money up until last year, but it was poorly advertised, not even on their website). There may be other factors that have lead to decrease in numbers, but once you take prize money away, elite runners have little reason to travel to show up, and although the top guys are usually given complimentary entries, there are also the sub elites that would be keying off those elites that are less likely to enter. It could have a trickle down effect, and it has gotten to the point where there is only a dozen or so people are under 40 minutes in the peach bud race and 45 minutes gets you on the first page of results on sportstats.ca. This is really disappointing, considering how a few years ago, it would take until page 4 to get to 45 minute runners. It is sad to see the decline of this race, especially on the more competitive end. Even offering a small prize purse would attract a decent field of competitive runners as long as they advertise it a little bit or at least announce it on their race website. Hopefully the new race director considers that. Without any incentive, we can just run a tempo on our own, and not pay an entry fee. But anyways, after that rant, I'll now talk about how that race actually went. I was lucky enough to have somebody to run with despite no prize money being offered. Dancan Kasia went out 3:00km pace for a few km's, and then we slowed down to 3:10-3:15. I guess the heat got the better of us. It felt a little tougher than it should have, but I was able to finish the last 2k in a respectable 6:10. So I won the race with a time 20 seconds slower than I typically run this race in. Other years, I came 7th, 5th and 2nd each of those years I had a time around a 31:20. When I finished, I circled back and paced my 13 year old youngest brother Jared for his last km. He ran 41:30, pretty good for his age! My girlfriend also ran. I convinced her to start distance running, and she is a former triple jumper, so it is a bit of a change for her. Anyways, I'll admit, 31:40 isn't really deserving of prize money, but at least I got a prize pack from some of the race sponsors, including a box from Tim Hortons. I though it was going to be donuts, man was I disappointed! Inside was a roll up the rim t-shirt, a travel mug, and a bumper sticker that says  'I love Tim Horton's'. There was also a $2 Timmies card. I gave the shirt to my Dad to wear as a barn shirt, and I see no use for the bumper sticker since I don’t have a car and I don’t like Tim Horton’s enough to put a bumper sticker on my car that makes that statement. If I’m going to advertise for them , I think they should pay me J. Maybe they could sponsor me and give me an unlimited supply of Iced Cap's. Then I would wear their shirt around! I can use Iced Caps as marathon fueling! They could make a commercial of me taking an ice cap in the middle of a marathon while everyone else is taking their traditional fueling drinks. It would be better than any of the lame advertisements they typically have! On a side note, I stuck around my hometown for the week, and went to our town's annual Poultryfest with my girlfriend. I entered a wing eating contest there and came second, which was good enough for a $15 coupon. This prize was almost greater than winning the peach bud, and the entry was free! So perhaps I should get into competitive eating instead? Or even better, contests with running and eating combined. Krispy Kreme challenge in North Carolina is still on the bucket list! 

Just a quick disclaimer here: Although I mentioned prize money a lot in the last few paragraphs, I want to make it clear that this is not the reason I run. I’d be a fool if I thougt I could rely on it for income to support myself. Anything I win is really a bonus of being able to actually earn something doing something I love. I will admit that I look for races where I think I might earn something, especially since I don’t have a full time job yet and I am spending another year on schooling yet.  Every little bit of income I can get helps! The fact is, that there is a strong correlation between prize money offered and competition that is attracted. There were instances where I finished outside a money position, but I was pushed to run a personal best, and that is a much greater feeling than winning prize money. I am grateful for race directors who take the effort to assemble an elite field for their races. Alan Brooks of the Canada Running Series is a great example of this. Jerry was another example of someone who did this, but more on the local level.

So I took a few days off last week, and now the plan is to build up for a fall marathon, location TBD, but I have a few options in mind. I will be more cautious this time around, reading my body and adjusting the time in between workouts accordingly. I'm essentially training by myself this time around, as I am about to leave Guelph, spend some time with my family, and then head to Windsor for teacher's college. I'm not going to have a goal of hitting a certain time, I just want to get back to staying healthy enough that I can enjoy running and competing. I figure if I can do that, the results will come naturally out of that. I will set a bit of a training schedule for myself, but I have to be ready to adjust if needed. With teacher's college starting up in September, running won’t be the only thing keeping me busy, which is a good thing. It's important for me to not let running be the most important thing in my life, because that puts too much pressure on myself, and it really sucks even more if I get hurt. When I am keeping busy with something else, I find running is a good stress reliever, a time to relax and think. There are plenty of elite runners who are able to do what they do along with a demanding job. Wesley Korir is a great example. He won Boston Marathon a few years ago, and he used that as a platform to get elected as a politician in Kenya. He is also a Christian. He is a great example of someone who is using his running for God's glory. God gave him the gift of running, and he used his Boston win as a platform to get elected, and change his country for the better. For me, I think it is important to work towards a career that I believe God has gifted me in, and right now I think that is teaching high school mathematics. While remaining in Guelph to train with Speed River would have been a great opportunity, at this point in time, I believe I should first pursue a teaching career and see where God leads me next. I have to have my priorities straight. Teacher's college increases to two years after this year, so I am lucky to get in this year and save a year of schooling. I believe this is the best option for me, and it is an option I might not have considered if things were going really well last year. God's plan is higher than mine, so I continue to put my trust in Him as I go through this next phase in my life.  

Blog #14 Trying to Make Sense of Things: Why does God Allow Suffering?

I haven’t written a blog in a long time, and there is a reason for that. There hasn’t been anything exciting happening in a long time. I contemplated writing a blog a few months ago, but I have already written depressing blogs about going through injuries, and I was hesitant to make another one of those and appear to make it look like I’m trying to make people feel sorry for me.  That is obviously not my intention, but I do think that since I started this blog a few years ago, I should continue with it, even when I don’t have anything relevant to write about regarding my racing and training.

 I haven’t had that feeling of enjoyment of being able to run without any significant injury issues since last June. I also had to deal with a breakup with my girlfriend in November. One positive thing is that I finished my Master’s last semester, but now I am finding it difficult to figure out where God wants me next. I also had to make a tough decision to no longer be a member of Speed River, at least for this year. Although I really enjoyed being part of the group, the fact that I am both injured and finished my Master’s and basically unemployed makes it hard to justify staying in Guelph long term. My original plan was to continue training while doing some part time tutoring to pay the rent and food. Well...right now I am injured, and I’m not getting too much tutoring business. I’ll go insane if I restrict myself to staying in Guelph and waiting to be healthy enough to do workouts again. I don’t know how much longer I’ll have to wait until I can run with joy and run at the competitive level that is necessary for me to really benefit from being part of such a strong training group. I have the best opportunity to achieve my running goals here and I can’t pursue them. It’s BEYOND frustrating! I don’t want to stay in Guelph if there is such a high risk that it will be a long time before I am healthy enough to train with the top distance running unit in Canada. I am better off pursuing something else and taking the time I need to fully recover, without any pressure to start training with Speed River. If I put that pressure on myself to get back training with the group, I know myself enough to know that I am more likely to try to run through pain that I shouldn’t.

As far as the details of my running injuries, from the start of the marathon build up in July, I was having issues with my groin. By September the pain was bad enough that running the marathon was no longer plausible, and I figured all I would need was a few weeks rest to heal things up. I was wrong there! After nearly two months of cross training, physiotherapy, and not getting any better, it was determined that one of my legs was 1.8cm longer than the other. This is significant enough that over time, the compensations that my body makes for this discrepancy became too much, which led to the strain on my groin muscles. I got orthotics to fix the problem, as well as some treatment to relieve the tension in my muscles. This allowed me to build up mileage for about 5 weeks. Although I wasn’t feeling 100% healthy, I was feeling healthy enough to at least attempt a build up to run Around the Bay again.  In early February, I experienced pain in my back which after a week of not going away and getting worse, I was forced to stop running entirely once again. So I wont be running Around the Bay, and I won’t make any plans to run competitively again until my body lets me.

 I often mutter to myself why would God lead me to Guelph only to break my heart...in two different places? I don’t know a definite answer to that question, but I think there are three most likely reasons of why disappointments like this happen. God is testing me, God is disciplining me, God is leading me somewhere else. A fourth reason I  can think of is simply that we live in an imperfect world, we are all going to have to perservere through certain trials regardless of whether it is our fault or not. The true reason may very well be a combination of all these things...I don’t claim to be wise enough to know, it is very hard for me to understand.

God could be testing me like he did in the book of Job.  For those unfamiliar with the story, the book begins with God having a discussion with Satan about a righteous man named Job. Satan argues that the only reason Job is righteous is because he has been blessed so greatly. If those blessings were destroyed, Satan predicted that Job would curse God. So God allowed Satan to take away his possessions, family, and health. The rest of the book is filled with dialogue between Job and his ‘friends’ who try to explain that God is punishing Job for something. Not until the last few chapters does God finally speak to Job, and the book ends with Job receiving even more than he had before. Is it possible that Satan read my blog last June when everything was going great and had a similar discussion with God? I’t might be. If anything, the book of Job serves as an important reminder to trust God and worship him even in the tough times. I believe it is okay to ask questions to God and vent our frustrations in prayer and still be considered righteous. After all, Job did these things, and he was still considered righteous. One example of Job’s questions that I can relate to is in Job 13:23-25. In these verses, he asks God to show him if there is anything he has done wrong. Why would a loving God punish someone without giving an explanation for the punishment? I have asked God that too.

 I prayed a few months ago that if there is any area in particular that God wants to see significant change in me that he reveal it to me.  Sometimes this is the case, and it might be that God is allowing hardship in order to reduce a negative quality or increase a positive one. After all, the bible does say the God disciplines those that he loves.  It says this shortly after the running the race analogy in Hebrews 12. I do feel as if the Lord did show me something back in January that needed work. Looking back at the year of 2013, I was fortunate enough to have some support in terms of new balance shoes, gear, and a certain number of physio treatments. Not having to pay for those things was a huge blessing, but it made me susceptible to a  selfish and entitled attitude. I was seen as a young, up and coming runner who had some success in road races. My best race in 2012 was a 30k in 1:35, and that is an equivalent performance similar to others in the group with the same support level as me, to the best of my knowledge. Come to think of it, I was probably the least accomplished runner that received support, but a year of training with the top distance group in Canada should produce a breakthrough year, and hopefully a strong marathon debut. The first half of the year went well, but the second half was filled with injury.  I realized that my support would probably be reduced for this year, not just because of my injury, but because a lot of athletes had breakthrough years, and they are much more deserving of support than me.  But ultimately that is a decision left up to the coaches of Speed River, so I expected them to let me know. This year they changed the tier/support system, so they had a meeting to discuss these changes in January. The meeting left me with a lot of questions unanswered. I was still unsure if I would receive any type of support, or if I would be completely on my own for running expenses(shoes and physio are the big two) in addition to the club membership fee. I was extremely grateful for that support in 2013, but if I would no longer be receiving it, that is a big change, and it would be tough for me to rationalize committing to stay in Guelph, now that I graduated and trying to figure out what to do next. I also think it is wisest to return to race shape at my own pace coming back from a lengthly injury. It is only when I am healthy that I can benefit from being part of a strong training group like Speed River. Is it possible that my membership fee can be pro-rated? Can they take a portion of my prize money instead? Those questions seemed logical to me, so I decided to meet with Dave Scott Thomas to address these questions. Unfortunately, this was interpreted by Chris Moulton and Dave as I am just trying to use Speed River and see how much I can get out of the group. So Dave sat me down with Chris, and it was suggested that if I am making my decision whether to stay with Speed River based on whether or not I receive support, I’m in it for the wrong reasons, and I should get out. Now, obviously, I don’t run because I want to get material possessions. That would be ridiculous! If I was motivated by those things, I wouldn’t waste time running 100+ mile weeks, I can guarantee you that. It is true though, that I am an extremely frugal person and I do like to calculate those factors. What I did take away from what they said is that I need to work on being less of a self centered person...only concerned about take, take, take, without giving back anything in return. Also, although I thank God for his blessings, it’s also important to making an intentional effort to show my thankfulness to people that God has used to bless me. After this meeting with the coaches, I was deeply troubled the most because if I claim to be a Christian and write blogs about it, and I’m interpreted by coaches as selfish and ungrateful, I am being a terrible witness, and I’m being a phony Christian. That is a serious issue. Dave does know me enough to understand that because of my mathematical mind, I make decisions based on reason and calculations, but he showed concern that I didn’t seem to put value on coaching and being part of the Speed River community. In reality, those things are important to me. Speed River is an awesome group. I have gotten to know some athletes, many whom have performed on the world stage, and they are also great personalities and humble about their accomplishments as well. I wish I could have gotten to know these people and train with them more, but injuries have prevented that. It has frustrated me incredibly that I couldn’t take advantage of such an awesome opportunity. I could try to stay here in Guelph and wait patiently for my injury to heal, and take on a part time job to pay the bills, even if it is something mundane and not in my field. I have considered that. There are also negative emotions that also play a roll in my decision.  There is negative emotional effect of losing support and not being considered a tiered athlete anymore. There is also a loss of passion that comes with being injured for so long. I’m in a tough situation, and to say that I was making a decision purely based on material support is a bit unfair, although I can understand where Dave and Chris are coming from as coaches of Speed River, and I can learn from the situation. Regardless of whether I will be part of Speed River in the future, the more important matter is the matter of my heart, and I have asked God to work in my heart show me ways to be less focused on my self and to focus more on  showing gratitude to those who help me and service to those who could use my help. I’m not very good at being able to see these things, so I hope God will show me how to improve in this.

Could all these unfortunate events be God’s way of telling me that Guelph is not where he wants me to be at least for the next year or two? Does he have something better in store for me? This is another possible explanation. I recently graduated with my Master’s, and I’m at a point where I’m trying to figure out what to do next. I hoped to find a sessional teaching position for an introductory statistics or math class, but those positions are hard to get. I don’t think research is for me, so I don’t want to start a PhD, but I do want to teach. I recently applied to teacher’s college, and since Guelph doesn’t have teacher’s college, I’d have to move elsewhere. Western and Windsor were still accepting applications when I decided this, so those are the two schools that I applied for. I know teaching jobs are tough to get right now, but they are switching the program to 2 years next year, so if I get in, I would only have to do 1 year.  So it would be a huge plus to get in this year rather than next year. Maybe God is leading me down that path instead. It’s tough to know what will happen though, and I have to be open to many possibilities. I just hope something works out for me, so I have something to keep me from insanity when I’m not able to run.

The other explanation is to just say that this world isn’t perfect, and there is going to be points in everyone’s life where multiple things go wrong or uncertain all at once. It’s important to be patient and persevere through these times, and hopefully come out a stronger person. Any competitive runner will experience injury troubles at certain points in their career, and if you don’t, I think I can speak for a lot of runners when I say that I envy you. It stinks that there are other uncertainties going on at the same time for me, but its a possibility that I have to be prepared for.

I’m not looking for sympathy or anything like that for writing this entry. I was really hesitant to write this post for the reason of coming across that way. But I think it is important that I let people know what is going on in my life who want to know and might’ve wondered what the heck happened to that Around the Bay winner from last year. I also think its important to share our experiences, and it may be that someone else is going through a similar struggle and may be encouraged that they are not alone. Who knows? I hope that what I write might benefit somebody. It would be easy for me to blame God for bringing me to Guelph and allowing brief success but only to bring me down. But then I would forget all the blessings he has and continues to show me. Family and friends are a big one that is easy to take for granted. Also I don’t have student debt because of the scholarships I received at Campbell and the GTA/GRA funding I received at Guelph.  (It also helps that I’m really frugal !) That’s a burden that a lot of people in my situation might also have on their back, but for me I don’t have that. So if I look at what to be thankful for rather than what to complain about, that can help too. Through everything I trust that God is in control, and that despite my shortcomings, he will provide for me, and show me where I can go next to best serve him.